Anthony Kim Doesn’t Play Golf Anymore Because He’s a Little Bitch With A $10,000,000 Insurance Policy

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Updated: March 2, 2015
anthony kim

At one time, I thought Anthony Kim was a righteous dude for dropping everything, committing to golf and becoming one of the great young players on tour.  He partied with the best of them, sported a great ensemble of belt buckles and even represented America during the Ryder Cup.  In just a short time period, Kim won over $12 million in career earnings and the sky was the limit.

Then something strange happened.  In 2012, he withdrew from tournament play with elbow and wrist pain apparently fearing he’d never return.  He took out a $10,000,000 insurance policy amidst the injuries, which only pays out if he never takes another swing on the PGA Tour ever again.  Seems like a smart play…for someone whose career is truly derailed by injury.  But, close friends indicate Anthony Kim is as healthy as ever, able to swing a golf club and is financially stable.  “Insiders” close to him also indicate that he’s fearful of the possible criticism that will surface upon his return and that he holds disdain for the “direction” the PGA Tour is heading with an ever-increasing corporate presence.  (Seems a little hypocritical)

kim belt buckle

I can side with Kim’s distaste for the corporatization of the PGA, but I’m going to call “bullshit” on the rest of it.  Let’s be real.  It is clear that Kim would rather forego the game he allegedly loves, the game he dropped everything else for, to make sure he gets his measly $10 Million insurance check.

“IF I TAKE ANOTHER SWING ON TOUR, THE POLICY IS VOIDED,” KIM SAID, ACCORDING TO REPORTS.

The bean counters over at Forbes have crunched the numbers and believe Kim would have to earn $35 Million in combined PGA winnings and endorsement bucks to make up the tax-free $10 Million his insurance policy would pay.  So, what he’s telling fans of golf is that the sure-fire check is the better play.  But, let’s look at it a little more in-depth and we’ll quickly find he’s wrong.

From 2008 to 2010, Kim earned $10 Million on ‘Tour’ and was reportedly earning $6 Million every year from Nike alone.  Considering that friends believe he’s completely healthy and assuming his game hasn’t fallen completely off a la David Duval or Tiger Woods, he would have to garner $35 Million from now until he retires.  Seems to me that AIG or any number of these fraudulent insurance companies would jump at the chance to sponsor “Insurance Boy” as he may come to be known.

Kim continues to be a recluse. According to PGA Tour officials, he called in to the league office asking for his login information to the player portal so he could familiarize himself with his current playing status.  Recent sightings of the golfer include hitting balls at TPC Craig Ranch and in La Quinta California.  Despite the sightings, Kim has yet to enter any events.

According to Forbes, Kim still lives the life of a PGA Tour millionaire, including trips to Beliz and playing in a weekly high-stakes poker game.  He could play PGA Tour events immediately based upon a medical exemption but would have to earn $613,550 in his next 16 events to keep his tour card for the following season, whenever that might be.

It’s clear that Kim prefers popping bottles of ‘Dom,’ doing nothing productive and waiting for his weak ass insurance check to clear.  Nothing wrong with a little partying, but considering his start and the way in which he emerged on the scene makes one wonder what the hell happened to this kid on his rise to stardom.

If he’s fearful of some media criticism, he should hire a PR firm to handle the backlash because professional spinsters have made much bigger problems disappear faster than Tiger Woods’ game.  If he’s truly injured and not able to return, he should submit a press release.

This isn’t hard, Anthony.  Stop being a little bitch.